Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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