you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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