I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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