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Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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