So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
