i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
