Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
