So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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