Four minutes until I can fart!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
