so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
