So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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