There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize