Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
