you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
