apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
