I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm getting married
To pizza
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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