Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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