this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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