ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
