Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
