So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i love accidental penises.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
