More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So much rum. So many feels.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
