so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
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