saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
are you so shy because you have an std?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
