mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
