This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize