I want to make a zoo with you.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize