i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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