moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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