I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
