I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
