I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
