When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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