my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
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