I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
