absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
kristin has been a bad kristin
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
