If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
