If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
