the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
