He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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