apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
