We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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