Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
