I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
