For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize