Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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