my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize