Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
