U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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