i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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