I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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