I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
