that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
