i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
