I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
