a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
