Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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