nut hugger
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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