we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
