Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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