i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize